By: Heather Seebach
We are deep into Oscar season now, and with the ceremony just days away, I think we are all sick of hearing about Daniel Day-Lewis, "I Dreamed a Dream", Kathryn Bigelow condoning torture, and computer-generated tigers. Do you prefer something a bit more bonkers and gory than what the Academy has to offer? Then check these out - my horror alternatives to the Best Picture nominees:
Instead of Lincoln:
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)
Yes, there's that Abe Lincoln vampire movie too, but of the two over-saturated sub-genres, I prefer zombies. Even better, this is from those kings of hilariously bad rip-offs, The Asylum. Genre veteran Bill Oberst Jr. stars as the titular scythe-wielding president.
Instead of Life of Pi:
Burning Bright (2010)
Why watch some Indian boy trapped on a lifeboat adventure with a tiger when you can watch Briana Evigan and her autistic brother trapped in their house...with a vicious hungry tiger...during a hurricane!?
Instead of Les Miserables:
Cannibal! The Musical (1993)
This musical based on the tragic deaths of five prospecters and the alleged cannibal who killed them is nowhere near as depressing as Les Mis, but if you want your horror with some Broadway-quality songs, look no further than this Trey Parker/Matt Stone cult classic!
Instead of Zero Dark Thirty:
Osombie (2012)
You already know how Osama bin Laden was captured anyway, the news covered that pretty well. So why not watch what happens next, when bin Laden rises from his watery grave with an army of zombie terrorists!
Instead of Silver Linings Playbook:
Lunatics: A Love Story (1991)
If I were to really oversimplify David O. Russell's romdramedy, it would be like this: two crazy people fall in love. So if you'd rather see that story with Ted Raimi instead of Bradley Cooper, boy, do I have the movie for you! Sam Raimi's old pal Josh Becker made this off-beat romance.
Instead of Argo:
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Not too many horror flicks have Iranian terrorists or CIA extractions, but hey, if you want a fake film-within-a-film, Wes Craven did it before Ben Affleck with this seventh installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.
Instead of Beasts of the Southern Wild:
Hatchet (2006)
It does not have an adorable 6-year-old girl but Hatchet does offer the same grimy Louisiana bayou setting. Instead of prehistoric aurochs, you get a homicidal mutant! Throw in some jaw ripping and that's what I call an upgrade!
Instead of Django Unchained:
Dead Birds (2004)
If you're simply in the mood for something bad-ass, a number of Django films could sate your appetite (especially Sergio Corbucci's 1966 original) but if horror is what you're after - how about a Civil War-era, plantation-based movie with an escaped black slave? If you're not already swayed, this was Simon Barrett's first feature film script.
Instead of Amour:
High Tension (2003)
When I think of French love stories, this is always the first one that comes to mind. Besides, you don't care about two octogenarians in love, you wanna see two young chicks, right? Plus a shit ton of blood and guts, right? Never mind the awful ending, just enjoy this gory, twisted love story.
