Trainwreck Cinema: 'Hard Ticket to Hawaii' (1987)

Trainwreck Cinema is a feature dedicated to those movies that are so awful but you just cannot look away. We love 'em, we hate 'em, we can't live without 'em. Enjoy :)

Andy Sidaris is a name that has become synonymous with awesomely bad movies. With him, you are guaranteed bad SFX, cheesy action, soft corn porn, and hilariously awful dialogue. Hard Ticket to Hawaii has all that and more. 

Take a look:

The plot – if you can call it that – involves two big-busted, blonde “operatives” named Donna and Taryn who intercept an illegal diamond trade, which puts them in the crosshairs of a drug lord. Oh, and there is a “cancer-infected” snake that pops up every now and then. 

This campy classic is chock full of memorable moments – a killer Frisbee; a bazooka and a blow-up doll; and a long, drawn-out (but totally worth the payoff) climax involving a toilet surprise. Not to mention a plethora of quotable one-liners (i.e., “He must be smoking some heavy doobies.”). This movie even has its own titular theme song! Enjoy:

For those of you who cannot find the film or just want the Cliff Notes, here is a montage of the best scenes condensed into ten wonderful minutes:


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