10 Wussiest Robots in Movie History

By: Heather Seebach

Transformers: The Dark of the Moon opens this week, and regardless of how bad the film will probably be, one thing is guaranteed - lots of ass-kicking robots. Thanks to bots like HAL 9000 and T-800, robots are generally looked upon as pretty cool. Alas, they can't all be Optimus Prime. Today we take a fond look back at some of the lamer robots in cinema history. FYI, this list means no disrespect to any of these robots, as I love some of them despite their lack of badassery :) Here we go:

10. ED-209, Robocop

I know, you're thinking "WTF!?" but hear me out. A good guy like Robocop need only take the stairs to get away from this walking tin can. I don't so much mind the stairs disability but the way ED-209 starts kicking and squealing like an infant after taking a spill down some steps. In another scene, it gets its foot stuck in a manhole and cries like a baby AGAIN. No amount of mounted guns can make up for that embarassment.


9. B.E.N., Treasure Planet

B.E.N., short for Bio Electric Navigator, is the robotic companion to Jim Hawkins in Disney's Treasure Planet. In case the words "voiced by Martin Short" do not tip you off, this bot is loud, neurotic, and annoying. You'll never have to worry about world domination with this little guy.


8. Paulie's Robo-Butler, Rocky IV

Life is full of mysteries. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Why the hell is there a robot in Rocky IV?? The bot was given to Paulie as a birthday gift from Rocky. Paulie programs it to have a sexy female voice, suggesting that he uses it for acts I don't even want to think about. 


7. Andrew, Bicentennial Man
  
In this family-friendly sci-fi, Robin Williams plays a robotic servant who yearns to be human and sets out on an adventure to make that happen. Williams basically plays his usual self in metallic paint - funny and loveable, sure, but badass? Not even close.


6. Val and Aqua, Heartbeeps

Did you know there was an Andy Kaufman/Bernadette Peters robot movie? If you did, you probably blocked it out, and I wouldn't blame you. The pair plays robotic servants (I'm sensing a trend here) who fall in love and run away to start a family. As you might have guessed, the duo is equally annoying (if not more) in stiff robot suits.


5. David, A.I.: Artificial Intelligence

David is a little wuss, but through no fault of his own. After all, he's just a child - or at least designed to resemble one. And his human-like vulnerability is the whole point of the story. Still, he is excessively adorable. Just look at those big sappy eyes. Even the talking teddy bear and the effeminate gigolo-bot are tougher than David in this movie.


4. The Fix-Its, *batteries not included

These little guys are no doubt the cutest robots in movie history. They are super tiny, make cute little noises, do adorable things, and fix appliances for old people. I'm not gonna lie, I wanted a few Fix-Its of my own when I was a kid. They're like tiny flying kittens that can fix my toaster!


3. Jinx, Space Camp

In this cheesy 80s movie, Joaquin Phoenix (left) saves an obsolete NASA robot named Jinx. To return the favor, the sentient bot fulfills the boy's wishes of going to space by hacking into NASA's computer system. Yep, it's that easy. Jinx looks like a chicken egg on spider legs, but with his red eyes and creepy voice, I kept expecting him to smother little Joaquin in his sleep while repeating "Friends foreverrrrr...." Sadly, it never happened - that totally would have saved him from this list.


2. Johnny 5, Short Circuit

Yes, we all love Johnny 5, but come on, look at that outfit (left). No self respecting robot wears a cowboy hat, denim vest, and neckerchief. Being a 6-ft-tall SAINT (Strategic Artificial Intelligence Nuclear Transport), Number 5 has all the equipment to be a badass bot but instead he spends his time craving input, cooking breakfast, and having grasshopper-induced panic attacks (see below).


1. C-3PO, Star Wars Episodes 1-6

Is there any type of robot less bad-ass than a protocol droid? It is C-3PO's job to assist with etiquette and translations. Furthermore, he spends most of his screen time complaining and/or fleeing. The prissy British accent and constant "Oh, Dear!" 's certainly don't help his image, either.


Did I forget anyone? Let me know what you think!


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Trailer: 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy'


DAMN I am excited for this one! Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, based on John le Carré's novel of the same name, is an espionage thriller set during the Cold War era. It stars some of the greatest British actors working today, including Gary Oldman (!!), Tom Hardy, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, John Hurt, Ciarán Hinds, Toby Jones, and Stephen Graham. 

Equally exciting is the fact that Tinker is the English-language debut of Tomas Alfredson, who helmed the amazing Let the Right One In. The only way this movie could be more awesome is if Michael Fassbender hadn't dropped out, though he did leave the project for X-Men: First Class, so..... And he was replaced by Tom Hardy - not too shabby. 

Oldman is seemingly the lead, as a retired MI6 agent called back to sniff out a Russian mole in the agency. Without further adieu, here is the teaser trailer (and tease it does):



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Trailer: '11-11-11'


The next film by Darren Lynn Bousman (Repo! The Genetic Opera, Mother's Day) will be 11-11-11, a religious-themed horror about demons trying to make contact with a man via recurring numbers. It stars Timothy Gibbs, Wendy Glenn, and Michael Landes. The trailer has arrived (below), courtesy of Bousman's Vimeo account.

Here is a fun game - see if you can guess the release date of this film! I get the feeling Bousman made this film just so he could release something spooky on the rare date of 11-11-11. And when you consider how closely this is being released after Mother's Day, I suspect the 11-11-11 script was hastily thrown together in order to make its titular release date. 

Or perhaps I am just bias, as Bousman is not-so-affectionately known to me as the guy who ruined Saw's namesake. Then again, I do like a good demon flick. Who knows, perhaps 11-11-11 will be the first Bousman flick to be worth a damn. Take a look below and tell me what you think:


11-11-11 TRAILER from 11 11 11 on Vimeo.

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Trailer: 'Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol' - official release


The trailer for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, the fourth film in the franchise, is set to premiere in front of Transformers: The Dark of the Moon next weekend. But if you are really eager to check out Brad Bird (The Iron Giant, The Incredibles)'s live-action film debut, you can see the leaked French trailer below, courtesy of The Playlist. ****UPDATE: The bootleg has been replaced by the real thing. Enjoy!****

Little is known about the plot of the movie, but aside from franchise star Tom Cruise, Ghost Protocol has Jeremy Renner (who is rumored to take over the lead in the next sequel), Paula Patton, Josh Holloway, Anil Kapoor, Michael Nyqvist, Tom Wilkinson, and Simon Pegg reprising his role from Mission Impossible III.



Pretty damn exciting, right? I think Brad Bird is going to knock this one out of the park. The only part that bugs me in this trailer is at the start when Cruise gets thrown in an explosion - looks way too much like that now-famous shot on the bridge in MI:3. But other than that, the trailer looks great. What do you think?

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol opens on December 16th. Interestingly enough, this film stars Michael Nyqvist as the villain, and his Girl with the Dragon Tattoo co-star, Noomi Rapace also has a film opening December 16th - Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Furthermore, both films open 5 days before David Fincher's remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Hmmm.

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15 Supporting Actors Who Made the '80s


By: Heather Seebach
 
When it comes to 1980s movies, everyone remembers leading men like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eddie Murphy, Kurt Russell, and so on. Great as they were, some of the best performances of that decade came from actors whose names you probably don’t know. No doubt you know their faces, though. The phrase, “Hey, it’s that guy!” was invented for men such as these. They were villains, assholes, corporate sleaze balls, and occasionally cops, scientists, and store clerks. These character actors truly made the decade what is was. Now, here are 15 of the greatest:

15. Robert Davi


Davi is often typecast as greasy mobsters and drug lords thanks to his dark Italian looks and...shall we say...Edward James Olmos-esque skin. He played many memorable roles in the 80s including Die Hard, The Goonies, License to Kill, and Action Jackson. With rugged, off-beat looks, Davi made a great villain and even today, he remains one of cinema's go-to tough guys.

14. William Zabka

You know Zabka as the asshole bully from almost every 80s movie with an asshole bully. He was Johnny Lawrence in The Karate Kid and its first sequel. He played similar bullies in Back to School and Just One of the Guys. And he returned as another jock meathead in European Vacation. Zabka cornered the market on high school assholes in the 80s, and we love him for it.


13. Victor Wong

Unofficially known by you and your friends as "that old Asian guy with the eye", Victor Wong is most recognized for his roles as eccentric old wise men in films like Big Trouble in Little China, The Golden Child, and The Last Emperor. And in Tremors (technically not an 80s film but right on the border), Wong was the one who gave the Graboids their name.

12. David Warner

Peter Griffin once pondered, "What was the name of the bad guy from TRON?" Well, the answer to that question is David Warner, who played Sark/Ed Dillinger. The actor also did a slew of other 80s sci-fi films, including Waxwork, Time Bandits, and Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. If you still haven't figured out why you know this Brit actor's face - the answer is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.

11. James Hong

Before he was the "Cartwright" maitre d' on Seinfeld or Kung Fu Panda's dad, James Hong had the movie market cornered on Asian mastermind villains in the 80s. Where Victor Wong was the creepy little sage, Hong was the cool, calculating type in movies like Blade Runner, The Golden Child, and of course, as David LoPan in Big Trouble in Little China. He also appeared in many comedies, including Airplane!, Revenge of the Nerds II, and Vice Versa.

10. Tom Noonan

Tom Noonan may be best recognized from his role as the stocking-headed killer in Manhunter (the precursor to Silence of the Lambs), but his most beloved role is no doubt as the Frankenstein monster in 80s classic, The Monster Squad. Noonan, who specialized in creepy, also had roles in FX, Wolfen, and as the main villain in Robocop 2 (another technically-90s-but-might-as-well-be-80s flick). 

9. Keith David

You might not know his name but you know Keith David's rumbling voice and gap-toothed grin. In the 80s/early 90s, this bad-ass was a common sight in John Carpenter films (They Live, The Thing) but he also had memorable roles in PlatoonMarked for Death and Men at Work. If you ever find yourself in some cheesy 80s action flick, David is definitely the man you want on your side.


8. William Atherton

William Atherton practically invented the term douche bag in the 80s. He was the quintessential representation of the word (as a derogatory term, that is, not a hygienic product). In Die Hard, he was the guy who exposed John McClane's wife on television, thus practically handing her to the terrorists on a platter. In Real Genius, he was Val Kilmer's smarmy physics professor. And in Ghostbusters, he was the EPA suit who forced the Ghostbusters to shut down their power grid, thus unleashing hundreds of angry spirits upon New York City. Like I said - douche bag. But Atherton was awesome at it.

7. Robert Picardo

Sure, he was on some Star Trek show, but Robert Picardo was everywhere back in the 80s. He made his debut as Eddie Quist, the serial killing werewolf in The Howling. He was also in Innerspace, The 'burbs, Explorers, Legend, Back to School, and Gremlins 2: The New Batch. And guess who was the voice of Johnny Cab in Total Recall? Yep, Robert Picardo. This man should be a household name!


6. Al Leong

Rounding out the holy trinity of 80s Asian villains (along with Victor Wong and James Hong) is Al Leong. He represents the tougher, more ass-kicking side of Asian baddies. Like the other two, he appeared in Big Trouble in Little China. Leong also had roles in *deep breath* Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, They Live, My Science Project, Twilight Zone: The Movie, and Action Jackson. And who could forget his portrayal of Genghis Khan in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure?

5. Tom Atkins

Every horror fan knows Tom Atkins thanks to his contributions to numerous cult classics, but to the average film goer, the name does not ring a bell. Atkins starred in such favorites as Night of the Creeps, Maniac Cop, The Fog, Creepshow and Halloween III: Season of the Witch. He also appeared in Lethal Weapon and Escape from New York. It is no wonder why, among genre fans, there is the man, the mustache, the legend - Tom Atkins.

4. Dick Miller

Every 80s baby knows this face. His credits include Gremlins, The Terminator, Explorers, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Chopping Mall, The Howling, Night of the Creeps, Innerspace and The ‘burbs. He had some leading roles but many of his appearance were small. In three of the movies listed above, he portrayed a different character named Walter Paisley - one a janitor, one a bookshop owner, and one a diner owner. Dick Miller is a true cinema legend.


3. Vernon Wells

This intimidating-looking Aussie has appeared as villains in Commando ("Let off some steam, Bennett!"), Weird Science, Innerspace, and The Road Warrior. He's one of the decade's best badasses and surprisingly versatile, too. His filmography is not as expansive as Dick Miller or Tom Atkins, but Wells left a big impression with every role.

2. Ronny Cox


Ronny Cox nailed the role of a corporate asshole, didn't he? He fit just as well into the role of a police officer (i.e., Beverly Hills Cop) but he was at his best when he was a slimey suit, like OCP President Dick Jones in Robocop, or Vilos Cohaagen in Total Recall. Who else but Cox could deliver a line about corn flakes and make it sound so evil?




1. Michael Ironside

Like some of the others topping this list, Michael Ironside's film repertoir may not be all 80s hits and cult classics. But Ironside was the inspiration for this list because what he did he did so well, and to this day I still squee when I see him on-screen. I did it during Terminator: Salvation and again recently with X-Men: First Class. He always was and always will be badass. I love his pseudo-Jack-Nicholson looks and intense eyes. He was fantastic as the villain, Richter (alongside Ronny Cox) in Total Recall, and as Darryl Revok in Scanners. In the 80s, he also appeared in Top Gun, Prom Night 2, and Visiting Hours.

There you have it. Who are some of your favorite character/supporting/lesser-known actors from the 1980s/early 1990s? Please do share!

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Trailer: Apocalyptic Argentinian horror 'Phase 7'


Bloody Disgusting Selects will be bringing the Argentinian apocalyptic horror film Phase 7 (Fase 7) to AMC theaters on July 13th. And thanks to B-D.com, we also have a theatrical trailer for the wild-looking film which mixed horror, humor, and socio-political commentary. The plot is as follows:  

Coco (Hendler) has just moved to a new apartment with his wife Pipi (Stuart), who’s seven months pregnant. At first, they don’t seem to notice the growing chaos around them, but when authorities quarantine their building after a deadly pandemic breaks out, Coco joins forces with his off-kilter, but well-prepared and stocked next-door neighbor Horacio to defend his refrigerator and keep Pipi safe. Meanwhile, outside the building, Buenos Aires—and the world as the apartment denizens know it, is disappearing. The world is ending; got ammo?

Here is the trailer - what do you think?


Trailer: 'The Skin I Live In'


The latest provocative thriller from Pedro Almodóvar (Bad Education, Volver) has a new teaser trailer. La piel que habito (The Skin I Live In) is based on Thierry Jonquet's novel Mygale (Tarantula). The film follows a plastic surgeon who plots revenge on the men who raped his daughter. VDA posted a clip from the film here. Now there is a new teaser trailer, courtesy of TwitchFilm. Check it out:



David Wain teases 'Wet Hot American Summer' prequel


Fact: Wet Hot American Summer is one of the greatest comedies ever made, if not the greatest. I am a huge fan of everything David Wain touched - from The State to Role Models - but Wet Hot is my absolute favorite. It is ridiculous, absurd, and completely hilarious. It boasted comedians like Janeane Garofalo and David Hyde Pierce; it had State alum like Ken Marino and Michael Ian Black; it had blooming megastars like Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Amy Poehler, and Bradley Cooper; and best of all, it had Christopher Meloni in his greatest role ever. Even genre favorite H. Jon Benjamin, soon to be a household name, had a small but memorable role. 

According to The Playlist, David Wain is still considering shooting a prequel to the film. It would take place during the same summer, only the actors would obviously be ten years old now. So the original film had 30-somethings playing 20-somethings, and the prequel will have 40-somethings playing teenagers. The absurdity continues! 

A sequel - any sequel - to this film would be amazing and I truly hope it happens. And now, because I can, a great scene from the original - the camp counselors go into town:

 



Trailer: Cronenberg's 'A Dangerous Method'


David Cronenberg, the director best known for body horror and sexually-charged thrillers, is tackling the history of psychoanalysis in the period drama, A Dangerous Method. Viggo Mortensen stars as Sigmund Freud and Michael Fassbender as Carl Jung. The meeting of these two minds birthed psychoanalysis at the turn of the century. The film also stars Keira Knightley as a Russian patient with whom Jung has an affair, and Vincent Cassel as Otto Gross, a psychoanalyst and Freud disciple. 

As you can imagine, psychology students are creaming their pants over this flick. As a fan of Cronenberg and Fassbender, I am also quite looking forward to this. Check out the trailer and tell me what you think:


Trailer: 'The Dark Knight Rises' teaser


Here is our first shaky-cam look at the alleged teaser trailer for The Dark Knight Rises, which supposedly premiered in front of The Green Lantern. Take a look - it will no doubt be pulled within hours (if not minutes), so I apologize in advance if it's gone by the time you get here:


Personally, I'm disappointed. That's it? I know it's a teaser but remember how awesome the first teaser was for The Dark Knight? "Some men just want to watch the world burn..." and the first lines we ever heard spoken by Joker, all against the Batman logo slowly being destroyed. It. was. EPIC. Just in case you forgot:


Give us more of that, WB!

*UPDATE* According to /Film, the video is a fake. A pretty good fake, eh?

Redband Trailer: 'Conan the Barbarian'


Marcus Nispel's Conan the Barbarian is high on the list of movies I don't give two shits about this summer. But since the latest redband trailer is full of blood and guts, I figured it was worth sharing. The sheer brutality of this trailer is interesting, though I'm pretty sure I saw some CGI gore in there, which of course, does NOT sit well with me. 

If that stays to a minimum, the flick almost looks like it might be decent based on this trailer. However, I have little faith in Nispel other than his uncanny ability to direct terrible fucking remakes. Take a look and tell me what you think:



'A Horrible Way to Die' DVD art and release date


I was lucky enough to catch A Horrible Way to Die at a film festival last year, being a big fan of its scene-stealing star, AJ Bowen. The movie is not without its flaws but it is an interesting little thriller and Bowen gives one hell of a performance as a serial killer in pursuit of his emotionally-traumatized ex-girlfriend (Amy Seimetz). It has a meager budget but will likely surprise you. My full review can be found here. The DVD and Blu-ray are set for release on September 6th. Here is the solid-looking cover art:


Source: ShockTillYouDrop

Redband Trailer: 'The Last Circus'


The Last Circus, Alex de la Iglesia's homicidal clown movie has a new redband trailer and it is pretty badass. I wish this trailer was around a year ago when I had the option of seeing The Last Circus at the Philadelphia Film Festival. Based only on the plot description, I worried it would be too artsy and film-student-y for my liking and so I passed. And hell, maybe it is exactly that, but I'd totally watch it anyway based on the redband trailer.

First, here is a brief synopsis:

In the midst of the Spanish Civil War, "happy" circus clown is interrupted mid-performance and forcibly recruited by a militia. Still in his costume, he is handed a machete and led into battle against National soldiers in this twisted tale of love, revenge, and psychopathic clowns.

Check out the redband trailer, courtesy of MSN Movies, by clicking here. Yes, you will need to enter your birthday, but it is so worth it.

Trailer: 'Griff the Invisible'


I am as sick as anyone of all the everyday-person-tries-to-be-a-superhero films but Griff the Invisible has been on my radar for quite some time. That is due in no small part to its star Ryan Kwanten, who is best known to American audiences as Jason Stackhouse on True Blood. The Aussie actor also turned in a fine performance in the gritty western Red Hill. And it does not hurt that he's easy on the eyes.

Kwanten plays Griff, a shy office worker by day and wannabe superhero by night. His secret identity is jeopardized when he meets a girl (Maeve Dermody) but they soon fall in love and Griff struggles with returning to reality.

This one looks less dark and gritty like Super and Defendor, and more of a sweet, offbeat love story (more like Lars and the Real Girl). The film is schedule to release August 19th. Here is the trailer, c/o TrailerAddict:



Mangold to direct 'The Wolverine'


I was pretty devastated when I heard Darren Aronofsky had left The Wolverine as director. Then again, it was always too good to be true, so I don't know why I got my hopes up. Just like that tease that he would/will make a Robocop film. *sigh* Stop toying with my emotions, Darren! Well, a lot of names have been thrown around as a potential replacement - some good (Duncan Jones) and some bad (Justin Lin).  

According to Deadline, the replacement has been chosen, and it is good news - James Mangold will be taking over the project. Mangold is capable of nailing just about any genre. He can do gritty (Copland, 3:10 to Yuma), soft (Kate and Leopold, Knight & Day) and everything in-between (Girl, Interrupted, Walk the Line).  

I am a fan of Mangold's work, and while he may not be the ideal choice for The Wolverine, I know he will do a fine job. Comic book movies seem to turn out well in the hands of directors who do not usually make that type of film (just look what Nolan has accomplished).

What do you think of this news? Are you looking forward to a proper Wolverine film to make us forget that Origins abortion ever existed?

First hints dropped about season 7 of 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'


The ScreenJunkies recently visited the set of the FX comedy It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with production on season 7 currently underway. Evidently the season premiere, which airs sometime this September, will be quite dark and "a realistic version of Pretty Woman"  - that is to say, Frank (Danny DeVito) proposes to a prostitute.

We can also look forward to  episodes about the 2012 apocalypse, child beauty pageants, and the Gang going to the New Jersey shore. Thankfully, they have assured us that episode will NOT be about the obnoxious cretins from that reality show. That subject managed to make even South Park unfunny, so I would hate to see Sunny go down that path.

As for cameos, Jason Sudekis is expected to return and Jon Polito (right) will play Frank's brother. That is some fantastic casting - I always thought Polito was like the Coen Brothers' Danny DeVito. Even their names rhyme! Also, rock band Kings of Leon is expected to make an appearance on the show! Evidently, they are big fans of Sunny, and "not huge fans of Glee" says Sunny writer/star Rob Maclhenney. I already liked Kings of Leon, but that fact just made them even cooler!

We should be seeing more of the Waitress as well, and god willing, I hope we see more of the McPoyles and Rickety Cricket. Who could ever get enough of them?





Redband Trailer: 'Attack the Block'


As a film blogger, I feel obligated to share this new red-band trailer for Attack the Block, but honestly, I do not recommend watching it. It is riddled with spoilers and good jokes which are better enjoyed when you see the film. If you are the impatient type, I understand. But before you give up seeing this UK flick anytime soon, take a look at the remaining screening dates here. Also, the film opens in Los Angeles, New York, Toronto, San Francisco, Seattle, Austin, and Chicago on July 29th. 

If you are unfamiliar with Attack the Block, it is a science-fiction/comedy about urban London youths versus nasty alien invaders. It comes from the producers of Shaun of the Dead and is directed by Joe Cornish, a frequent Edgar Wright collaborator. With company like that, you'd expect quality - and Block delivers. 

Like this summer's Super 8, the film recalls 80s classics where kids called the shots and fended off real danger. And while I enjoyed Super 8, I think Attack the Block is the must-see film of the year. My full review is here. Now without further adieu - the trailer:




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